End Suffering on Self-Pity

by Paul Wolfe

     One of the greatest thieves of energy and happiness is self-pity. In fact, in Chapter 6 of A Treasury of Trueness (#1224 in the new edition), Vernon says, “The most sickening self-feeling of all is the self-feeling of self-sympathy.” That truth certainly conveys the indulgent and self-destructive nature of self-pity.
     The feeling of self-pity comes from the false part of us, the part that wallows in what it calls its misfortunes. It seems to say that life has treated “me” unfairly. The more we give in to self-pity, the stronger and more controlling it becomes. What it is really doing is keeping us trapped in the belief that somehow my pain is special and that I exist as a separate entity apart from Truth, God, Reality.
     In a talk by Vernon Howard, he said that a sigh really indicates self-pity and that has stayed with me. When I hear someone sigh, myself included, it brings me back to myself and if it’s me who’s doing the sighing, I try to track it back to what it is I’m sighing over. If I can see that clearly, it has less power to torment me again and that is always worth the effort.
     Somewhere along the line in working with these principles, a kind of motto came to me, “You get what you get: what can you learn from it?” This saying fits this work perfectly. All situations, whether related to age, health, finance, or relationships have a valuable lesson to teach us. For example, if I have a problem in a relationship, am I willing to admit that maybe my own negativity contributed to the discord between me and that other person? If I’m willing to let the lesson clarify and illuminate rather than frustrate, life gets better. The willingness to look deeper can lead to some stunning insights that can move us to a higher level of life understanding. If we learn the lesson, we will not have to repeat it. If we refuse to learn the lesson, it will repeat itself and if we continue to refuse, self-pity will be the inevitable result.
     One of the pitfalls on the path is the propensity of the mind to look at others and see their faults, their self-pity. Yes, we must observe the behavior of others, but not without seeing ourselves more clearly. Doing the work consists of seeing something in another and asking, “Where do I do that?” If we’re diligent in applying these truths, we become a freer man or woman and we suffer less and less. The work, self-study — the study of the inner workings of our own being — will always lead to genuine independence and to being free of the nonsense of ourselves and the world.
     We’re meant to rely on only one thing, God! God is always with us, trying to guide us to allow Him to take care of everything and if we yield to the Higher Power, self-pity will have no place to exist within us.