End Suffering on Hostility

by Eric Pendleton

     I have been having many reactions to events in this year of 2020 when the COVID-19 virus began affecting nearly every aspect of the lives of all people in this country and beyond.
     Where I work, most of the employees were panicky, spouting off predictions of terrible and fatal outcomes. People were afraid of: catching the disease, the closing of their businesses, running out of paper goods and living in isolation, to name just a few. Even then, I suspected the appearance of this virus could be used to frighten people, to make them feel lost and helpless and to make them extremely hostile, since fear and hostility always go hand in hand. I connected the situation with something Vernon Howard often mentions in his talks: how evil can easily manipulate us when we are scared and afraid, when we are “crazy with fear,” as he puts it.
     The people around me were getting more and more nervous and worried every day, which made them very touchy. Amongst my coworkers, I felt like I was the only one who thought we were all overreacting, and because of this, I began to keep my views and my observations to myself. I also saw a lot negative reactions coming up inside of me, though on a certain level I knew these unsettling feelings were not going to help me to handle a difficult situation with real maturity.
     I watched all the mayors and governors grow in power. It was, “Do as I say, or else!” Watching human nature in its grand performance shows the low level part of human beings in action! What is now happening out in the world is a spiritual attack against human beings. But mainly what I became aware of was that I was trying to fight the situation in a wrong way, primarily with the ‘weapon’ of hostility.
     One event that happened early on really bothered me. At the gym where I work, a lady patron insisted that all of our employees wear masks, though at the time public mask wearing was not mandatory in our town. I told her it was fine for her to wear a mask, but that we took everyone’s temperature before entering, cleaned the equipment often during the day, and limited the number of people in each room per social distancing guidelines.
     This woman wrote to our bosses demanding that we change our policy. It did not work, but her actions really antagonized me. It was becoming obvious that while a lot of people were miserable wearing masks, others actually liked it. Many took it as an opportunity to tell others what to do, but some people were glad that they could hide their true feelings behind a face covering. The circumstances reminded me of the time during World War II where it was encouraged to tell on your neighbors. When not living from Truth principles, human beings like to bring other people down.
     Also, watching the news and seeing innocent people being hurt bothered me a lot. I had an image of myself going out there to protect those who were being injured and I wanted to get back at the people who were hurting them. Everything that was going on had me steaming inside.
     But then I began watching myself in earnest and became more deeply aware that the hostility in me was weakness, and that it was destroying me. Vernon said, “Hostility is a harmful substitute for perception” (Cosmic Command #1280). I had been taken over by wrong thoughts, feeling out of control and wanting to lash out, while at the same time getting a phony thrill and an identity from being an imaginary so-called hero. Wrongness was in charge, not rightness. Trying to stop this onslaught with my own willpower was impossible. To get genuine help, I needed to admit that giving in to the hostility was the real cause of my suffering. Honestly observing these biting thoughts and feelings made me realize how wrong they were for me. Vernon Howard often points out that wrong reactions to negative events are very destructive and damaging to us.
     There is so much to see. For example, observing the lies that people know what to do with themselves in the midst of a crisis. Everyone we meet is presenting us with a made-up image —“I am Successful, I am a Knower, I am Scared, Angry,” and so on. What is needed is to see and therefore understand everything from a completely different viewpoint, without hostility, without wanting to retaliate, without the false “me telling me” what to do. What is needed is a complete separation from what I see, with no compulsion to be involved in any of it.
     We have it within our power to break the chain of negative thought. Just cut off that painful, hostile thought and take a moment to be aware of where you are. Just stop for a moment and notice things around you. This exercise has been of tremendous help in bringing my own awareness into the present moment. If I break thought, and do this often enough each day, it will break the spell of the hostile me trying to handle what I cannot handle.
     Asking for higher help all the time is also essential. Truth has guaranteed that with faithful application of these principles, we will one day see everything clearly and will not be affected by the cruel world we live in, either inside or outside of us.