End Suffering on Superficiality

by Dr. Lynne Wooldridge

     Several years ago, we were given an annual class exercise to “See Deeper,” which directed us to look beneath the surface of our own human personality/nature, the nature of others and the nature of the world we inhabit. On a higher level, “seeing deeper” encapsulates the whole message of this work. But there exist determined and persistent forces, both within and without, aligned against our efforts to see more deeply because this society and nearly everyone we’ve ever known lauds and rewards superficiality. In fact, we’re encouraged not to look too closely, for fear of what we’ll see. But the only way out is through. We must go through the embarrassment and humiliation of becoming well acquainted with the lostness of the false nature before we will ever be given a New Life.
     I have an acquaintance I’ve known for a long time. We’ve talked quite a bit and I thought I knew what her attitude would be toward a particular situation. I was very surprised to learn that I wasn’t aware of her deeper attitudes at all. Though very adept and practical in her business life, she responded to a particular situation by protecting a strong personal image of being “good.” And with that wrong protection any common sense and practicality went out the window. What an excellent lesson for me! I’d carelessly assumed I understood, and I did not. It was not an accident we conversed that day. It was a gift that allowed me to go deeper to perceive my image as a knower and her image as a “nice, kindly” person. The experience was also a good reminder that self-images are mirages that produce an unreal life.
     Have you ever been fooled by someone’s “act,” only to later be shocked and dismayed by the kind of hurtful, even destructive behavior they were capable of? Of course, you have. Everyone has. And at the time, maybe you wished you’d watched more closely because that experience with the other person produced a lot of pain and suffering. The phony cheerfulness, the appearance of concern, the air of authority and confidence were only aspects of the human personality acting out a role, trying to be something it is not. You must have wanted something from that other person, maybe a sense of security that you had finally found someone who appeared to know what they were doing, but no one blithely and carelessly skimming across the surface of life can ever truly know what they’re doing!
     There is a way to stop making mistakes and falling for the act. In a great section entitled ‘How to Avoid Errors with People’ in Chapter 8 of The Power of Your Supermind, a question is asked about how to see others as they really are and not as we want or demand to see them. Vernon says, “This can be accomplished by understanding ourselves. Self-knowledge is the unlocking key to insight into others. Perhaps in an intense moment of self-honesty, a man sees in himself a selfish motive masquerading as generosity. Not only is he healthier and happier than before, but he can no longer be tricked by others with the same masquerade.”
     Vernon gave the following helpful illustration. He said you’re out in a field and there are two rows of apples set up some distance away. Three apples are artificial, and three apples are real. The only way to discern the difference, to tell which are the genuine apples and which are the fakes, is by moving toward them and allowing the perception of which is which to come to you. That last statement is an interesting point in itself. There is no need to stand at a distance and strain and squint; you need only approach and observe and the insight will come.
     Concern with only surface appearance and taking everything at face value may temporarily give the illusion of being safe and comfortable, but ignoring reality always causes inner discomfort. As spiritual students who are tired of being hoaxed and who want to wake up, there is an honest and sensible part of us that knows we’re stonewalling, putting off the inevitable. We must act on Vernon’s admonition to “Do it now! Get it done! Bang! Bang! Bang!”
     Probably the most stubbornly persistent obstacle that prevents us from looking too closely at all of this is that we’re afraid. The deep fear of coming closer to understanding our actual motives and the motives of others has quite a tenacious grip on us. We’re afraid of what we’ll see for many reasons: our long-held images and beliefs will be exposed as frauds, the terrible facts about human nature will be revealed, we’ll anger and upset other people who don’t want us to see through them, we won’t be equipped to handle what we see, etc. Concerning that last fear, we’re not supposed to handle what we see; we’re supposed to trust a Higher Power to take care of it!
     We’ll never really be comfortable with ourselves unless we “proceed while being afraid” and start to face the wrongness that’s operating inside. Being honest about seeing what’s there – the anger, the despair, the self-pity, or whatever negativity has control at the moment – will give the needed shock to get out of there. And then, it’s possible to go beyond the shock to understand at a much deeper level that what so frightens us is a brash, aggressive intruder that has barged its way into our inner life. It does not belong there. It is not the essential part of us at all – not the true part from which we were intended to live.
     Truth says so what if you’re upset and flustered by what you see either in yourself or in the people and events out there. See it anyway. It takes a special kind of courage and a right type of boldness to watch ourselves and others so closely that we confront the lostness and bewilderment there. But something wonderful is waiting for us on the other side. Vernon once said if you knew what awaited you, you would be running toward it with every ounce of energy you could muster. How much more encouragement do we need than that?