End Suffering on Bitterness

by Dr. Lynne Wooldridge

Bitterness is one of those negative human emotions that is easily recognizable by its marked acrimony, hypercriticalness and vitriol. If you’ve ever been around a truly bitter person, you know that they see life experiences through the lens of a caustic kind of negativity that eats away at the spirit. One main characteristic of bitterness is its relentless heaviness. There is no room for lightness or enjoyment of life when embracing this kind of inner atmosphere. If taken far enough, bitterness cements and hardens the personality to the point where any ability to be flexible is lost.
People can become bitter when going through a challenging experience that shakes up their “sense of self” and pushes them out of their comfort zone. Not being given the promotion, a relationship falling apart, getting a divorce, being betrayed by a so-called friend, failing to get the attention they think they deserve, dashed expectations of a problem-free life, a perceived lack of success in moneymaking and on and on. A man or woman infused with bitterness refuses to move past old hurts, and to drop feelings of entitlement that insist, “This horrible experience should never have happened to me.” Very difficult life situations will come along but these teachings say you don’t have to respond by shaking yourself apart. In fact, for a spiritual student, there is a higher obligation to not go that route.
When I was a sophomore in college, two longtime couples who were good friends of my parents suddenly divorced. In one case, the man became extremely embittered; in the other, it was the woman who made that choice. They both exuded unhappiness and were quite willing to spread it around. These reactions made a strong impression on me and even as a young adult, I realized this was a choice they were making to deal with the pain. I remember thinking I never wanted to fall into that trap.
So, why do people choose to live in a state of bitterness when it feels so bad? For a lot of reasons, all harmful to the spirit. It makes them the center of attention, they can blame others without taking any real responsibility for their own reactions, they can feel justified for taking revenge, holding grudges and a lot more. Plus, sour people are often quite adept at pinpointing and using what will trigger guilt and so-called sympathy in others.
Truth only wants to lighten our burdens and to enjoy our lives both in this earthly existence and in the Higher World. And while “Truth is one with change,” the old nature is not. It wants to remain earthbound. Vernon Howard said this,” A true man, a true woman knows what it means to be completely disassociated, unidentified with exterior events, which means they cannot touch him, either what is called favorably or what is called harmfully. Are you willing to give up both?” Truth says this is possible, but the false self fights relentlessly to retain control over our thoughts and emotions. There is a solid wall of resistance that pops up when circumstances suddenly change, or our fond fantasies are not fulfilled. We stubbornly do not want our personal desires to be denied. The remedy to this slavery is an acute awareness of what this attitude does to us and to ask, “Do I want to be bitter and sour, or do I want to be happy? It is important to understand a person cannot be both and that the solution lies in becoming conscious of the tricky games the mind and emotions play to keep the suffering going. We can consciously make the decision to walk away from the game altogether.
A Higher Answer exists, but a man or woman must want it more than they want their desire to stay in their little bubble of misery and bring everyone down with them. Truth gives us the message that life is a series of choices. A person can choose to be unbendable, to have no flexibility when meeting events. Or he or she can know from the spirit that God has given us free choice over our reactions to what happens to us. When the moment comes to choose, we can increasingly reject the dejection and go with freedom. No one and nothing can restrain us from living this fresh, free and relaxed life. It’s what the heart really wants.